Finding Your True Love

While many people are perfectly happy living the single life, it's not unusual to be envious of the happy couples in your circle of friends. Feel like you'll never find true love? Maybe you just need to revamp your dating strategy. Here are a few tips on what to look for in finding "true love" or the right soul mate.

1. Opposites attracts
"The ideal is with the person who is opposite in style to us," says Dobransky. "If a man brings certain emotional and intellectual skills to the table that a woman lacks, and vice versa, they make a perfect team." So if you're on the shy side, a more extroverted partner will help balance your personality; if you're logical and a planner, you'll make a great team with someone who's spontaneous and creative. The unique thing about this is that the couple will compliment each other in every way. That is what makes it special.




2. But you can't be extremely different
Dobransky recommends looking for partners with a personality that complements yours -- your opposite -- but stresses that you should still share similar dreams and goals. "We all need people who have similar beliefs, goals and values," he says. After all, if he wants kids right away and you picture them in a hazy, faraway future, you're going to have some instant fodder for arguments and unhappiness. "We can't possibly commit to another person without joint goals," says Dobransky.

3. You got to have mutual understanding
Sex is a key component of a happy relationship. Without mutual sexual attraction and -- when the time comes -- a healthy, happy sex life, a relationship is doomed to fail. But make sure not to confuse passion, love and commitment -- they're all separate things and should be cultivated individually. In the early stages of the relationship, "women should hold out on giving sex for there to be more of a chance of commitment." And men, he adds, "ought not to dive into commitment too easily if there isn't a great sexual chemistry." 


4. Friendship is key
Lust without friendship has its place, but a committed relationship isn't it, says Dobransky. And friendship without sexual attraction is, well, "just friends." You have to have both, says Dobransky, who recommends "screening" dates for their friendship potential by asking yourself, "Is he generally happy, not anxious? Is he my opposite in personality style?" Be honest in assessing his personality, and don't be afraid to ask pointed questions. And if you like the answers, and think the two of you could make a perfect team, then "it's a natural next step to realize, hey, I could commit to this person."

"My true love is someone with my intellectual    complement" 

5. Judge his character
Not to be judgmental, but some men (and, to be fair, some women, too) just aren't commitment material. They might be fun for flings, but if you're looking for something serious, you need to leave the bad boys behind. That doesn't mean settling for boring, but it does mean finding someone who's mature enough to respect you and keep promises. Do practice on what he calls your "cool eye," the ability to step back mentally and assess things objectively. Don't let yourself get swept away -- unless you can honestly say he fulfills all your needs.


6. Be honest about how good it is
It's one thing to have realistic goals in finding a partner; it's another to settle for a relationship that doesn't truly make you happy. Yes, there will be up days and down days, but overall, you want to have positive feelings about your partnership. So check in with yourself periodically on how things are going, and don't be afraid to move on and look for something better. Because in the end, "relationships should benefit our lives, not be a second or third job."